


Solace

by Ragemerize



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series, Shin Megami Tensei Series
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Cutting, Drama, Emotional Roller Coaster, M/M, Self-Harm, Suffering, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 07:59:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15792360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragemerize/pseuds/Ragemerize
Summary: I'm not sure how hard I should put the graphic warning here but better safe than sorry!A one-shot about Sho/Minazuki and his struggle after he found out about his father's death. After he woke up in hospital the realization hit him that he might have been abandoned by his father who used to be the hand that feeds and gave him a purpose to live. What was he supposed to do next?





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> I mostly wrote this Fanfiction to vent about a few feelings and events currently happening so I don't take it too serious myself. It would be sad not to share it though so I decided to dump it here!

Empty.

So empty he felt after Sho woke up in the hospital, being all alone, casted aside like a broken weapon. He was useless, he failed his father, his strength not worth enough saving. His body probably being kept alive out of pity, to be used for lower tasks in the future. He didn't know but within him was a storm of feelings, mostly confusion and frustration. It was difficult to keep under control, just as usual.

Sho decided to leave the scene, there was no reason to stay in such a dull place any longer... He needed answers, answers to why he ended up there, his memory was hazy, he only remembered taking some medicine and stepping onto a buzzing machine which closed its door in front of his eyes. Afterwards everything simply turned black, even up to know he didn't know what it was good for but... apparently it destroyed him and marked him as worthless. How much time might have passed while he has been in the hospital? It was difficult to imagine that it might have been more than a few days...  
But his hair... It grew. It reached all the way to his shoulders, clearly showing that it must have been even more than just a few months. His stomach twisted around, his fear of being cast aside manifesting in the back of his head. His dad, was he really willed to sacrifice him for whichever experiment? Up to now Sho thought that they shared more than just the same goal of getting stronger.

With a pained expression the young, lost male jumped out of a window, into freedom, seeking for shelter and answers...

\-----

Days passed after he rested in a building which belonged to his father. It shared a lot of resemblance with the research facility he grew up in, only the most important furniture was available as well as a few electronic devices and shelves filled with books. Sho rested on the big couch in the middle of the room, in front of him an opened laptop. His eyes were burning at this point, he was tired, exhausted, feeling drained by all the unanswered questions which have been roaming around in his head since he woke up. This wasn't like him, around his father he felt somewhat stable but now he suddenly had to deal with life on his own, no way to reach anyone as he had no idea where he even ended up!  
"This all just feels like a bad dream...", he sighed, stroking a few hair strands out of his eyes so he could continue researching. The world like this was new to him but he spent the last hours to work out how this device functioned, he felt the need to get to know at least anything, every small bit of information was enough! There were a few connections showing up and especially one certain name... Kirijo... A bad feeling spread within his stomach while he continued to click through pages related to Kirijo until his eyes hit something.

4th November, 2009. Shuji Ikutsuki. Confirmed dead.

Sho had no idea which date it has been today so he looked it up, just to be confronted with the truth that it has been quite a while in the past by now... He swallowed, reading something about S.E.E.S., how a member of Kirijo died as well as... Shuji Ikutsuki. The rest was unimportant to him at this point, all that mattered was this little piece of information which would change his life even more. Not only did his father abandon him, no, at this point he even... died...  
His gaze was glued on the screen, working with the details given, it felt as if his whole being was sucked out of his body within these few intense seconds. Before there was a small flame burning, hoping for a misunderstanding but now it was definite. He was all alone. Alone in a world he had no idea about. Without any purpose to fight as his father was the only one he wanted to make proud, the one he wanted to fight and to kill for..!

"Uugh..!", Sho growled, digging his fingers into his hair, pulling on it in the desperate try to hold back tears and anger, everything he could possibly feel just welled up within him, scratching at the layer of flesh which kept the emotions inside. 

What should I do, what should I do now without him..!

It were silent screams into the void, tears welling up in his sore eyes, his knuckles slowly changing color to an unhealthy white because of all the pressure he put on them, digging his fingers deep into his scalp... "A-aah..." He was at loss for words, loss for actions, just wishing for this to end, these burning feelings, this... sadness and loneliness taking a tight grip of his heart..!  
As impulsive as Sho was he took a grip of the table in front of him, completely forgetting about the drink, food and the laptop which was still placed on there, and hurled it through the room with a desperate scream. He didn't care, he couldn't care about this anymore. His mind was clouded by despair, manifested out of everything he used to be..! "Fucking hell!" In tears, panting, the rampage continued. Books flew across the room, torn apart in a frenzy. The couch kicked against, the table picked up once more, ending up against a wall with a cracking sound.

Heavy breathing.

Shaking.

A gaze, haunted.

Something snapped.

The young male went to the kitchen area, quick and determined steps forcing his body closer to a knife which was used for cutting some food before. He just wanted to end this. His useless life, the overwhelming pain he couldn't deal with at this point. The realization that he might have not deserved survival from the start only made it worse, him being an orphan, growing up under strict circumstances, harming others, being punished for disobeying which he did pretty often... and even much more he couldn't take a grasp of anymore at this point.

Maybe this was punishment for him being seen as ungrateful. Sho didn't know. What he did know though was that it was useless like this.

There was no regret in his eyes when his fingers curled around the knife's handle. Not even a hint of fear, he grew up with scratches, cuts, wounds covering his body, blood... Falling asleep with blood and waking up with blood. Dreams involving it. This was nothing, just something like a last fight with him being the loser for once, giving in to the wounds. He knew from past tests which parts of his body were vital, how much blood he was allowed to lose until it would grow critical. Also where to aim to end someone quickly...  
Kinda lost in thought the young male lead the knife across his lower left arm, forth and back, leaving a trail of cuts all over. Just a few more marks of war, a sign for his suffering, a punishment for being so useless to his father. Those thoughts caused him to snap back into reality though, immediately Sho was clouded by anger and sadness once more, lifting the knife up in a rage so he could just slam it down into his lower arm. The blade simply sinking into the fair skin, cutting through flesh as if it was nothing. His eye twitched, not because of pain but because a drop of blood hit his face. He felt... nothing...  
"Am I already this far..."

His gaze grew even more fierce, twisting the blade in his arm, ripping it throgh even more flesh, blood kept gushing out but the pain still felt so distant, it was almost scary..! Shaking, Sho pulled it out again, looking at the smears on the blade, his arm fell next to his side, fingers twitching, blood dripping down to the ground.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

'Is this what I have been protecting you for?'

Sho's eyes flickered, not sure if he was just imagining things or if suddenly someone entered this place but he could swear that he heard a voice ringing through his ears. It would be no surprise, slow but steady the blood kept leaving his body, probably putting him in a dangerous state anytime soon. Sho didn't care, he lifted the knife up once more and held it against his carotid artery, being ready to just cut it so he would simply bleed to death.

'Stop it at once! Don't throw your life away like that!'

He halted in his movements, also realizing how he grew a little dizzy by now so the young boy just let himself sink down the ground, sitting inside of a puddle of blood at this point. It was at least a bit warm, unlike his dying heart. "My life has already been thrown away so why shouldn't I just end it?", he asked into nothingness, not sure what to expect since he apparently was still all alone in these damned four walls ans probably just imagined these things by now.

'I have always been there for you when things grew ugly, I care about your wellbeing. You are not alone in this!'

The voice was somewhat calming but at the same time Sho imagined to hear a hint of concern in it. It was weird... was his subconsciousness trying to tell him not to do this? The male chuckled, not sure how to feel about this but he grew weaker at this point anyway. Everything slowly turned blurry and lost color, faded, his body grew colder at this point, the blood dripping onto his lap where his cut open arm rested. 

'I won't allow this... I will always protect you my child...'

Sho sighed, he closed his by now heavy eyes and rested his throbbing head against the counter in his back. "What are you talking about... The only one who protected me was my dad... and now he's gone..."

'When it's time I will explain things to you but I won't let you go through this out of impulsive actions. Nothing is lost yet.'

"Shut up... Just... shut... up..!"

He grew tired... in many senses. Tired of everything, he wanted to go. To leave this scary place. To shut up his hammering thoughts, to ease the pain in his heart. Shaking, Sho lead the knife to his neck once more, already moving it a bit to place a cut but he could swear that he wasn't able to move any further. For a second he panicked before everything turned black and... the voice took over, switching control of the mistreated body.  
"If this is what I have to do... I will do it... You shouldn't kill yourself for a monster like Ikutsuki was...", by now Minazuki mumbled, having difficulties to keep this slowly dying body under control but he was more powerful than Sho, being fueled by a Persona. The amount of blood surrounding him was more than alarming though. "He doesn't deserve this..! He never loved you but I did so please don't give up yet!" Minazuki was well aware that Sho couldn't hear him like this, he never knew what had happened when his other self took over but nonetheless he felt the need to speak those words.

Struggling, the male got back up his feet, he had to reach the bathroom were some medical supplies were places, he already saw them through Sho's eyes when they arrived at this place. It was more difficult than he imagined though, maybe he should have interfered sooner but he didn't want to take unnecessary steps... after all hope dies at last. Panting, Minazuki lead the bleeding body towards the bathroom where he opened a shelf and took out a box which was filled with supplies for a worst case scenario. Just what he would need...  
To ease the pressure, he sat down on the ground and took a deep breath. His sight was getting worse, blurrier and darker than before but he wouldn't give up until he had to. "Don't give up on me..." With a rattling sound he simply emptied the box on the ground in front of him and quickly sorted through the items, the wounded arm resting in his lap. What he did first was to disinfect the wound, it burned but nothing was comparable to the mental torture Sho had to go trough at this point. Minazuki would endure everything he could to save this child, a bit of physical pain was nothing...

The blood didn't stop flowing but his regeneration rate was higher than for any other humans as he's been experimented on a lot. If he could just buy them a little more time, it might already be enough to stop this soul from leaving the world. The last cut has been deep, it was almost impossible that it would heal on its own... But this was war, they have been prepared for many situations. In the box has been a package with a needle as well as some medical thread so he simply had to place a few stitches to keep it closed..! Minazuki groaned. Placing stitch after stitch, shaking and panting but it would be for a good cause. That knowlede helped him going through this suffering. All for this boy. Weaker and weaker he grew...  
At last he cut a piece of medical cloth in shape and pressed it onto the wound so he could try to wrap a bandaid around it. It was difficult because some nerves have been damaged so he had to mostly rely on the still fully functioning arm. This would be all he could do, all that was left was to drink a shot of some light blue fluid which Ikutsuki used to give to Sho when he wasn't feeling well. He used to tell them that it was for faster regeneration. To their luck a few were left in these surroundings, it looked like this place was built as some sort of last resort...

"Hah..." Minazuki sighed, he let himself drop onto his back out of exhaustion but he knew that he should at least retreat to a bed or the couch so this boy could rest up properly and think things over. If he would really be willing to die after their talk, he would have to accept it but Minazuki didn't want to let him go out of an impulsive reaction and hurt feelings. After a short break, the redhead pulled his last strength together to make his way to the living room, onto the couch where he laid down out of exhaustion. "I should make sure to drink enough water so he won't feel too sick when we wake up again...", he mumbled, smiling weakly because it worked out to buy them a bit more time.  
For now Minazuki closed his eyes, keeping Sho under control as long as neccessary until they would be able to have their final talk.

"Like I said, you are not alone in this, I have been always with you and it won't change. Just give me a chance..."


End file.
